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Friday, 16 July 2010

Here are six things you can do to affair-proof your marriage. It is best if the two of you sit down together and make this commitment, but even if you don't discuss it with your spouse, you need to unilaterally take these to steps to defend your castle.

1. Make your relationship with God your number one priority.

Mark 12:30 (NIV)

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

Our pastor when Donna Kay and I were married once talked about his primary motivation for being faithful to his wife: "It's not just that I love my wife and would never want to be untrue to her," he said. "More important, I would not want to disappoint my Lord."

2. Honor marriage as the highest and most sacred human relationship.

Hebrews 13:4 (The Message)

Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.

Remember that marriage is the quintessential human relationship. If you have been blessed with marriage, you have received the greatest gift that God can give you apart from salvation. Maybe your marriage is not so great right now. Maybe you feel like if it's a gift from God, He must have picked it up at Big Lots. Listen. If your marriage is not knocking your socks off right now, don't blame God. And don't blame His gift of marriage. If there are problems with your marriage, you messed it up. Admit it and ask God to restore it, making it all He intended it to be.

3. Recognize your spouse as God's gift to you.

Genesis 2:22 (NIV)

Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

Don't ever entertain the idea that you married the wrong person. God is sovereign and even blesses our wrong decisions if we submit ourselves to Him. The moment you said, "I do," you entered into a God' ordained covenant with that person. He or she instantly, miraculously, supernaturally, divinely became exactly the right person for you. God let you choose, then He validated your choice.

I'm talking about the marriage you are in now. Don't try to rewrite history. don't try to undo past mistakes. The man or woman you are married to now is yours for the rest of your life. You had better start appreciating that person as God's gift to you-a gift you obviously don't deserve if you ever think about throwing it away-but a gift of God nevertheless.

4. Keep your marriage vows.

Malachi 2:14-15 (TEV)

. . . You promised before God that you would be faithful to her. . . . So make sure that none of you breaks his promise to his wife.

In our society, marriage vows have become less than binding, to say the least. Our vows have become little more than a sweet sentiment to include in a ceremony. Our society sees a wedding as simply a public confession of romantic feelings rather than a time of commitment of two people to each other for life.

They tell me that more than half of marriages end in divorce. That's a lot of people saying "I do" when all they really mean is "I might."

Let me propose a radical idea to you. What if we took our vows seriously? What if we meant them literally? What if they were really the binding, unalterable commitment they sound like? What if we did not have the option of getting out of them? What if once you said, "I do, for better or worse, as long as we both shall live," then you had no choice but to stay in that marriage for better or worse as long you both shall live? Keep your marriage vows.

5. Invest yourself heavily in your marriage.

Luke 12:34 (NIV)

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Jesus was talking about storing up treasures in heaven, but the principle is true of anything in life: wherever you invest yourself, that is what is going to be important to you.

Invest your time, your money, your energy and your attention in your marriage relationship. The more you invest in your marriage, the more precious it will become to you.

Make your marriage your vocation, your avocation, your hobby, your past time.

Communicate with your spouse. Have special date nights. Find things the two of you enjoy doing together and do them. Laugh, love, live.

Investing doesn't mean always doing something, going somewhere, spending money. Some of the best times are home alone, talking, holding hands, or just being together.

6. Guard your body, your mind, your heart and your spirit.

Matthew 5:28 (TEV)

Anyone who looks at a woman and wants to possess her is guilty of committing adultery with her in his heart.

Affairs don't usually start with the physical adultery. Long before that ever occurs, there is usually the spiritual adultery, the mental adultery, or the emotional adultery. That's why you must guard not only your body, but also your mind, your heart and your spirit.

Draw boundaries boldly. Draw them far from the edge of danger. Agree on the boundaries and abide by the boundaries.

Watch yourself. Are you spending time with someone else of the opposite sex on a consistent basis? Be warned. I'm not telling you to watch each other, though you may need to point out dangers you see from time to time. I'm telling you to watch yourself. Be aware of what you are thinking and feeling and of time your are spending. Then fix it.

I'm not saying you and your spouse must isolate yourselves from all other people. On the contrary, gather around yourselves other Christian couples who will pray for you, mentor you and hold you accountable. And you do the same for them. Sunday School classes and small groups at church are some of the best ways to do that. Do it together.

POSTED BY: David Williams AT 09:35 pm | Permalink | E-mail this

Tuesday, 06 July 2010

Marriage: the quintessential human relationship

Our society has devalued marriage to the extent that the percentage of people entering into a lifelong marriage with a person of the opposite sex has plummeted.

? People are waiting until later in life to marry.

? Some do not marry at all.

? Many enter into a marriage but fail to keep the commitment they make and the marriage ends in divorce.

? Many establish relationships that look something like marriage, but without making the commitment of marriage.

? Some even establish that kind of a relationship with a person of their same gender.

Let me tell you what marriage is: Marriage is the union of one man and one woman for a lifetime, in which the two individuals leave the families they grew up in, cleave to one another and become one in flesh and in spirit. It is the quintessential human relationship.

There is no other human relationship that can compare with the miraculous union that takes place between a man and a woman when they make and keep the commitment to be husband and wife.

And let me add to this definition of marriage the element of God's grace: God may choose to grant to us that kind of marriage relationship at any point in our life, despite our previous disregard for the value of marriage, if we will repent and turn to Him, seeking His will in our lives.

No one has to say, "I've blown it. I can never have that kind of marriage." On the contrary, God has given beautiful marriages to millions of believers whose lives were previously marred by the sin of immorality or by the trauma of divorce. I've seen it happen over and over and over again. And there are many in our church who could give personal testimony of this fact. God's gift of marriage is not for perfect persons. Just like salvation, it is a grace of God that is given to us even though we don't deserve it.

But, just like salvation, marriage is a precious gift from God that must be treasured, and you will never have it until you realize just how special it is, desire it with all your heart, and commit yourself to it totally.

POSTED BY: David Williams AT 08:04 pm | Permalink | E-mail this

Friday, 02 July 2010

A castle worth defending

Picture this.

The king charges out of his castle, followed by his army, to engage the enemy, camped in the distance. They leave the women and children behind in the safety of the castle. The king is confident of victory, having easily driven the enemy back the past two days.

This time, however, things are different. Unknown to the king, the enemy has divided into two battalions. One has spent the night in their camp on the plain, less than a mile north of the castle's gate. The other has secretly slipped into the woods a half mile west of the castle, hiding in ambush.

As the king's army approaches the enemy camp, once again they see the enemy begin to run away. But as the king is about to overtake the fleeing soldiers, he hears a shout from the rear, "The castle! Look at the castle!"

The king first glances over his shoulder, then pulls hard on the reins of his horse and turns to face the horrible sight. The castle is on fire. In the tower he sees the red distress flag being waved fiercely back and forth, the signal that the caste is under attack. Then, suddenly, the red flag disappears.

The king cries out, "Defend the castle!" and begins charging back toward his home. But he is too late. The fleeing soldiers turn to pursue the king's army, and the other battalion, having finished their work in the castle, charges out to sandwich them in.

In the end, the enemy has total victory. There are no survivors, and the castle is destroyed.

The castle is your marriage. And your marriage has an enemy camped outside the gate, an enemy that is persistent, determined and resourceful. That enemy is scheming to destroy the castle of your marriage one way or another, and he will keep at it and be a constant threat no matter how many times you win the victory.

Marriage is a castle worth defending. The enemy would not be so tenacious were it not for the tremendous value of that castle, your marriage.

Hebrews 13:4 (The Message) says, "Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband."

Marriage is a castle worth defending. The sacredness of the relationship between a husband and wife must be guarded by all of us.

POSTED BY: David Williams AT 03:05 pm | Permalink | E-mail this

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